a coat of many colors

I recently said, in a group setting, that christianity is ambiguous.
not because of the influence of post-modernity on little young me, but because it is.

i have a dictionary of major biblical interpreters (over a hundred famous personages throughout history - from augustine to kierkegaard) and not a single one interprets the sacred scriptures in the same fashion or using the same methods and techniques. and we have 44,000 different christian denominations in the world.

i felt bad about saying my religion (worldview) is ambiguous because the last thing i would want to do is lead someone into my journey of confusion (maybe it's better for me to tie a rock around my neck and take a plunge into the mediterranean sea then lead the young ones astray?).

this comes mostly because i lack discernment at the moment. i don't know what i'm doing next month, and it seems (only seems) that God has left me with promises unfulfilled. no details do i indulge in sharing.

abraham; what did he think as God promised him a son, received a son, and was asked to sacrifice him? what did the 12 disciples do after all the rest left because the message of Christ was too confusing?

they answered: "to whom else would we follow?"
that was as much a statement then a question.

sometimes all you can do is say "hallelujah anyhow", and know when you're involved in the present history, you can't see the big picture.