Grey Hairs

as part of my school program I had to attend a missions conference this weekend. i arrive and i say to myself...oh no...there are a lot of grey hairs here.

but my opinions of elder missionaries changed so much this weekend. i was thinking, as all the missionary representatives at their booths were old, that they need to retire and get some fresh bodies to attract young adults to missions, otherwise missions will die.

i will not go into detail of what the speakers said, yet i can honestly tell you that i was more challenged by a 75 year old then Shane Claiborne could ever do...and despite my judgments of older Albertans being ultra-conservative (and war mongers) and interested only in the proclamation of the gospel, i heard testimonies that shook my boat of 70 year olds living in slum communities along side whom they were ministering to.

the most precious moment was a conversation with a man (likely 85) in a justice session. upon realizing that a hot dog at an nfl football game costs more than what over a billion people live on in a week, he said that he was going to talk to his wife about selling his house and moving to a trailer park since he could likely make 200,000 to give to the poor in Africa.

wow. i always talk about selling my shit and giving it to the poor and haven't (and i barely own anything so it really wouldn't even be a sacrifice), yet he was moved even at his age to sacrifice for the poor (at the expense of his childrens inheritance). i cannot disregard the elders. my heart has been moved.

a fish out of water

received an invitation to meet Jim Wallis (activist, author, founder of sojourners, that guy who wrote the forward to Irresistible Revolution). that excites me. one month and i can cross him off my list (of 3) people i wish to meet before parousia.

quite likely one of the most influential people in my faith journey. there is nothing in particular i wish to say to him, yet i know conversation usually comes quite natural. except last night, i went and introduced myself to the lead singer of the Great Lake Swimmers and buddy-o was not so reciprocally generous desiring getting to know me! (i was going to invite him out for a tea...yet after the awkward one sided conversation of me asking him heeps, him asking me goose-egg...i wanted my concert money back!).

adventures in missing the point

not a fan of anti-abortion activists. was at the university of calgary this afternoon and they have pictures of holocaust victims along side pictures of aborted babies. and then people walking around with signs saying stuff like "if you are post-abortion distraught, call this number___"

do they serve the same God as me? i hope not. how in sam's are they extending love and grace? does not the measure we use against others the one God will use against us (ironic that i'm judging them considering what i just wrote). would not efforts be better used by showing love and preventing abortions by creating alternatives? have you not just driven those experiencing shame to suicidal thoughts?

at first when i read about this display, i thought to myself "well, at least they are doing something rather than nothing". then as i walked by spirit cried. my heart was crushed. not for the aborted babies...but for the distressed...and for the tactless activists. i wish they were doing nothing rather than 'that' something.

i was thinking of a response to that demonstration. i'm positive that i could get dozens of counter-protestors and completely slander them...yet what example does that set? i believe it is our role to create an environment for expecting mothers who see no other option to abort to live (and have their child) without financial burden with safety nets of a loving community that would sacrifice their comfortable lives to save lives. not just make people feel like shit.

The sun was nice today. I slept on a bench in Riley Park. I drank coffee on the patio of the Second Cup by my house and watched countless people almost get mowed over by vehicles at the pedestrian stop. The lady sitting beside me commented on the noisy motorbikes and said that they should be shot dead, I commented that she has a harsh view of retributive justice.

I met Ron on the street selling his conspiracy newspaper, he wasn't so jipper. I told him I would pray for him and he didn't want me to. I found two teenagers about 25 feet up in a tree and they yelled down at me and asked me to throw a snowball at them. My logic told me not to.

I walked in my neighborhood, the opposite side of the c-train tracks that I usually do, and discovered there is a Heartland cafe a two minute walk from my place!

Usually I write when I'm anxious because if I'm feeling good the last thing I want to do is be sitting at my computer, but it's after midnight and don't think I have the will to sleep quite yet.

I'm reading Watership Down (a classic kids book) and this just resonated with me today:

But now, in the evening sunshine on the friendly, empty down, with a good burrow at his back and the grass turning to pellets in his belly, Hazel knew that he was lonely for a doe.

Loneliness is always most evident at the end of the day.

a coat of many colors

I recently said, in a group setting, that christianity is ambiguous.
not because of the influence of post-modernity on little young me, but because it is.

i have a dictionary of major biblical interpreters (over a hundred famous personages throughout history - from augustine to kierkegaard) and not a single one interprets the sacred scriptures in the same fashion or using the same methods and techniques. and we have 44,000 different christian denominations in the world.

i felt bad about saying my religion (worldview) is ambiguous because the last thing i would want to do is lead someone into my journey of confusion (maybe it's better for me to tie a rock around my neck and take a plunge into the mediterranean sea then lead the young ones astray?).

this comes mostly because i lack discernment at the moment. i don't know what i'm doing next month, and it seems (only seems) that God has left me with promises unfulfilled. no details do i indulge in sharing.

abraham; what did he think as God promised him a son, received a son, and was asked to sacrifice him? what did the 12 disciples do after all the rest left because the message of Christ was too confusing?

they answered: "to whom else would we follow?"
that was as much a statement then a question.

sometimes all you can do is say "hallelujah anyhow", and know when you're involved in the present history, you can't see the big picture.

my shared melancholy

last night one of the bestest friends came over, and i now know why she is a bestest friend...

the evening starts with formalities: exchange of tea for baked cookies, chat about the day, a bit of venting, a bit of melancholy chat, then... the precious silence that transcends awkwardness.

you've evolved to the blessed ideal friendship when you feel no need to say anything. sitting in dust with sackcloth. no agenda.

winter blues

I quite enjoy this photo. One would think that it would bring up memories of the individual i'm talking to (david bazan - pedro the lion), or maybe the photographer (kiera), or maybe the festival in general, nope... i think of nicole who printed this off for me and i get to look at it everyday as it sits on my bookcase.

oh, and it reminds that summer will be with me shortly. i love the park, specificaly riley park where i people watch, watch the multicultural games of cricket, join groups of musicians, and retreat and meditate. winter has been depressing.

Silent Clean

Recently watched a video of a presentation activist John Francis did.

A very capable speaker, he decided to not speak, for a day, a week, a year, and 17 years.

I'm inspired, not to do the same, but to have conversations without speaking and just affirming and validating (listening well). I'm been so engaged in debate and trying to prove my points that I've lost my skills in just loving without an agenda. School does that, you think you must understand everything, talk about everything, analyze everything, and life (and God) loses it's mystery. I want to learn how to learn again. To be a lover of God, a lover of people, yet also a mystic.

This will be very difficult as i'm opinionated, yet hopefully freeing as i tend to debate imaginary people in my head when not in real life. i must quiet down...

Hood

I should always wear just a hoodie, hood up (and pants).

People could see my smile, my eyes, and my whiskers, and really that's all that is necessary.